based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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