Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
