Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
