There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
