Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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