I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
