yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
