Quick, to the slutcave!
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize