apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize