She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Randomize
