escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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