Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
