Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
