I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
