Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My balls are so social today.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
