Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
