Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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