I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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