Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
