An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
