need another drink. this is the easiest way
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
