I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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