ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
