i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
