Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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