There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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