guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
