What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
