Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
