I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize