The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
