I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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