he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
