so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
