I want to walk on stilts...naked
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize