I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
