i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
