Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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