I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
