8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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