To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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