so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
