Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
