The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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