someone threw a dead crab at me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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