i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
