i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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