If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
