I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
