My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
