Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
