Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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