I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
