if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
