i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
