there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
