he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
