You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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