"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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