I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
