the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
