Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
