if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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