I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
