the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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