guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
NoShamevember. You game?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
