Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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