she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
