new low.... made out with someone while peeing
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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