Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
