Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
