Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
