Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
