just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
