I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
